Last August, Yasmin Mogahed took the stage in Malaysia for a talk that didn’t just discuss happiness — it took the concept apart entirely and asked us to rebuild our understanding of it from the ground up. The session, titled “The Pleasure Trap: How to Unwire Our Understanding of Happiness”, left the room with a lot to sit with. Here’s a recap from the session.
What Is True Happiness?
Every action we take stems from intention. But Yasmin opened with a deceptively simple question: How can you attain something you haven’t even defined?
All creatures, whether they’re human or not, are wired the same way at a basic level: avoid pain and seek pleasure. But here’s where humans differ. While animals define happiness purely through comfort and pleasure, humans are meant to operate on a higher plane entirely. The problem is, society often sells us the animal-level definition of happiness—pleasure, comfort, the next dopamine hit—dressed up as the real thing.
Happiness vs. Pleasure
True happiness isn’t about nafs at all. It’s tied to fulfilment and meaning.
Research on the happiest people points to something surprising. They experience awe—a recognition of something greater than themselves. In other words, happiness isn’t found by turning further inward. It’s found by getting outside yourself and giving real value to others and to the world.
This is exactly where a lot of us get stuck. We chase the quick hit of dopamine instead of lasting fulfilment, and this pattern needs a detox.
The Body Remembers Too
Happiness isn’t only a mindset; it’s psychological too. The ability to calm your nervous system is a part of what happiness actually is. Women, specifically, need oxytocin, through human connection and beauty, to feel genuinely good.
Our Expectations of Dunya Are Simply Wrong
Perhaps one of the most sobering points of the day is this:
Many of us are unhappy because we expect life to go our way, and feel entitled to ease and comfort.
But when did Allah (s.w.t.) ever promise us a pain-free life?
Our disappointment often comes from expectations that were misaligned with reality from the start. Everything belongs to Allah (s.w.t.), and to Him we return. And true shelter, the kind that never breaks, isn’t something any human relationship can offer. This means learning to release unhealthy attachments to people and to dunya. Blind obedience belongs to Allah (s.w.t.) alone.
Gratitude and the RAS: Changing What You Notice
One of the most practical and memorable parts of the talk centred on the Reticular Activating System (RAS), your brain’s built-in filter for what you notice in the world around you.
Whatever you believe about Allah (s.w.t.), about yourself, and about the world sets your “search term” — and that search term determines what your RAS surfaces for you. Allah (s.w.t.) said:
“I am as My servant thinks of Me.”
– (Sahih al-Bukhari 7405)
Believing He’s for you, not against you, doesn’t just feel nicer. It literally changes what you notice in your day-to-day life.
This is where gratitude becomes more than a nice statement. Journaling your blessings and consciously noticing them retrains your RAS to keep surfacing more evidence of those blessings. It’s a self-reinforcing cycle. Here’s something from this session that is worth carrying home: Is Allah (s.w.t.) making life hard for you, or is He strengthening you through it?
Why We Sabotage Our Own Happiness
Many of us grew up in a shame culture. The belief that a mistake means you are bad, not that you simply made an error. That kind of thinking wires us for a narrow, miserable outlook on life.
Yasmin Mogahed also spoke about how turning away from the remembrance of Allah (s.w.t.), for instance, becoming careless in salah, has real consequences. We often end up worshipping the opinions of others instead, constantly wondering what people will think of us, as if their approval could ever make us whole. When dunya becomes our ultimate concern, we can have everything we want and still feel like it isn’t enough.
But if you truly believe Allah (s.w.t.) is with you no matter what happens, fear of the future starts to loosen its grip.
A Day Worth Reflecting On
Happiness looks different for everyone, but this session offered a framework rooted in something steadier than fleeting pleasure— fulfilment, gratitude, and a genuine return to Allah (s.w.t.).
To everyone who joined the talk and visited the Tertib Publishing booth on the day, thank you. Your support and love mean the world to us. May Allah (s.w.t.) bless us with true happiness and fulfilment that carry us throughout our lives.
